recently my doctor found a "growth"... i'm not suppose to worry...as if saying it makes it true. let's face it, i'm my mother's daughter, which means, i'm a "worry wart".
When I was a little girl, too young to go to school, I had my favorite sweater. It was soft and pink with rhinestones scattered all over the front collar, even the buttons had tiny rhinestones in the center. I loved to wear it to Sunday school (the only place I was allowed to wear it). One day Mom told me to get dressed and put my “favorite” sweater on…it wasn’t Sunday, and though I would never question her I thought it was strange. But then what did I care, I was a kid who was going to get to wear her favorite sweater, not on a Sunday, and take a drive with just my Mom…no one else…just me and her.
She put me in the old Ford …I remember the dull black color… the running boards… the leather seats hard as a bench with cracks that scratched the back of my legs when I moved. I was so short in the seat I could barely see outside… tops of trees as we passed, sunlight dappling though the leaves…after a while the car stopped in front of a house I didn’t recognize. My Mom got out of the car and walked over to my side… she opened the door, straightened my clothes, told me that we were going to visit someone…a friend…(friend of the family? …her friend?). I was not to touch anything…not to play …not to talk… not to mess up my clothes.
I remember I walked into a darkened room… there were people, they seemed to all know each other. Voices low and hushed…my mother’s voice added to the mix. I can’t remember …but I felt a politeness, a sadness.. children in a corner…quiet, sad…probably told not to play…not to talk…
My Mom took me outside after awhile and put me back in the car…she walked back to a woman who was standing on the front porch…a few polite words exchanged. Both women looking like they wanted to say more…to do more…to embrace, but an invisible wall stopped them. My Mom could barely look this woman in the eye…head and eye always lowering…her body bowing from the waist as if in some Japanese movie…
Mom came back to the car, started the motor, waved bye to the woman on the porch. Her eyes were looking straight ahead as she drove…she was quiet…so I was quiet…just looking out at the tops of trees and the sunlight now coming through the windows at a lower angle. Mom made a slight turn… my body responding to the centrifugal force…and when I sat back up the light hit just right… and suddenly… magically!!!…there was a million zillion tiny rainbows dancing on the dashboard, the door and my hands as I reached out to catch them…. I dared not to be quiet any longer…”magic” overriding Mom’s “quiet rule” for sure…. “MOMMY…MOMMY…look…look rainbows!!!”. But she didn’t seem to hear me…didn’t seem to see the rainbows…but maybe she did…she was crying…
Years later, through bits and pieces of conversations with her old friends, I found out that that woman on the porch that day long ago was her best friend. She had just been diagnosed with breast cancer… back in those days it was a “death sentence”…what usually happened was the family would “shroud” her away from everyone…talk about dying twice!! First, being treated like a leper by your friends…then watching yourself dying in the eyes of your family.
my husband & I have promised each other that that will never happen to us... we want to talk freely & openly about our mortality & all the phases that may lead to our end. luckily we both have a dark sense of humor.
3/06/2008
2/27/2008
Alias: Street Noodles...oh my!
well, i finally did it...joined esty (again). i had joined quite a while back in the beginning of my quest to make my crafting public. dare i say i wasn't impressed...but i've heard yet again some very good things about it. many blogs that i frequent often refer to it religiously and in researching it a little more i do find they have improved their services & organization in general. it seems more energized.
i'm only putting some of my jewelry & art dolls there to see how they will do. i'm excited about my new simplier jewelry...the cleaner lines are refreshing to me.
i hope everyone will checkout my site at etsy.
9/13/2007
new fall line: necklaces
i love halloween !
how does a dismembered
skeleton & pretty beads
work for you?
... just a sweet little autumn necklace.
new fall line: scarves
...this scarf is so much fun, yet elegantly soft. yes, those are real gemstones on the fringe.
...using richer colors with a variation of my decorative ends....
using soft luxurious yarns of earth-
tone blends....
... experimenting with making scarf pins.
6/10/2007
An Old Friend...
Out of the blue and unusually pleasant summer day, I got a phone call from an old friend, Elaine. I hadn’t heard from her in years. I do remember when I first moved back to my hometown I had left a message for her, but that was quite a while back. I didn’t think she would call back…I hadn’t kept in touch with her…maybe a few irregularly mailed Christmas cards or letters over the many years since college.
Elaine was always easy to talk to. I never felt out of place to plant a huge hug on her when we were in near proximity no matter how many years it had been. This time it was a phone call. After the shock of hearing her voice, we fell into the “catching-up game” like old pros without any awkward pauses. Both of us older, wiser, and with the “warranty” lapsing on similar body parts.
If I remember right, I met Elaine in a feminist art class in the mid 70’s. I was so use to “way-too-serious-art-students” who needed desperately to get a sense of humor (and probably get laid as well)…I think it was because I was one. She was this naturally beautiful girl with so much talent, intelligence & humor. I was drawn to her. We became fast friends & roommates & nabbed the best apartment in town. Though our living together was short & wonderful it ended I think because I returned to being a “way-too-serious-art-student-without-a-sense-of-humor”…if I was her I would have left sooner than later, but she stayed long enough to get me back from “the dark side” and for that I will always be grateful.
Do you remember that beach scene on “Sex in the City”…where Sarah Jessica Parker is throwing up on the beach and her friend is holding back her hair?? Even though she’s successful and looking beautiful in her designer clothes, a chance meeting of Mr. Big & his 20-something fiancée forces her to see what a fool she is…and though it’s been obvious to her friend who doesn’t say “I told you so”, but stays to hold back her hair and wash her friends’ face. In my case it was a half-ass attempt of an overdose. Though not lethal it kept me up all night in a drunken state with my legs cramping. Elaine massaged my legs all night to relieve the pain & watched over me when I was finally able to sleep.
I don’t know if Elaine will call back. If the talk about seeing each other again was like those chance meetings you have with acquaintances where you say “let’s do lunch” and never do. I use to think that I had to keep in touch with friends all the time to be “real friends”, but as I get older I don’t think there is a rule. Elaine will always be my friend (in my heart & mind). For a brief moment in time, she shared her laughter & tears with me. My only regret is that I feel she gave me more…more than I can ever give back.
Elaine was always easy to talk to. I never felt out of place to plant a huge hug on her when we were in near proximity no matter how many years it had been. This time it was a phone call. After the shock of hearing her voice, we fell into the “catching-up game” like old pros without any awkward pauses. Both of us older, wiser, and with the “warranty” lapsing on similar body parts.
If I remember right, I met Elaine in a feminist art class in the mid 70’s. I was so use to “way-too-serious-art-students” who needed desperately to get a sense of humor (and probably get laid as well)…I think it was because I was one. She was this naturally beautiful girl with so much talent, intelligence & humor. I was drawn to her. We became fast friends & roommates & nabbed the best apartment in town. Though our living together was short & wonderful it ended I think because I returned to being a “way-too-serious-art-student-without-a-sense-of-humor”…if I was her I would have left sooner than later, but she stayed long enough to get me back from “the dark side” and for that I will always be grateful.
Do you remember that beach scene on “Sex in the City”…where Sarah Jessica Parker is throwing up on the beach and her friend is holding back her hair?? Even though she’s successful and looking beautiful in her designer clothes, a chance meeting of Mr. Big & his 20-something fiancée forces her to see what a fool she is…and though it’s been obvious to her friend who doesn’t say “I told you so”, but stays to hold back her hair and wash her friends’ face. In my case it was a half-ass attempt of an overdose. Though not lethal it kept me up all night in a drunken state with my legs cramping. Elaine massaged my legs all night to relieve the pain & watched over me when I was finally able to sleep.
I don’t know if Elaine will call back. If the talk about seeing each other again was like those chance meetings you have with acquaintances where you say “let’s do lunch” and never do. I use to think that I had to keep in touch with friends all the time to be “real friends”, but as I get older I don’t think there is a rule. Elaine will always be my friend (in my heart & mind). For a brief moment in time, she shared her laughter & tears with me. My only regret is that I feel she gave me more…more than I can ever give back.
2/02/2007
Other views of my new studio...
my husband made this really nifty bead cart on wheels...it has carpeting on top so i can examine beads, a measuring tape so i can measure out beading wire, and pull-out drawers that carry clear plastic jars of beads...gives me an overview of the beads i have.
i wish everyone had a life partner like john...not only does he make me feel loved, but he can fix or build anything!
Living room...Schliving room!
it finally dawned on my husband that we are never going to have children (we're too old...denial is the last thing to go). he also realized that my studio was taking up way too much room from the family room. i don't cook, & john doesn't barbeque so both our families have resigned themselves to hosting any necessary family gatherings at their own homes, so a formal living room seems like such wasted space.
john has a thing for power tools (sorry, i've heard all the psychological crap about that...i might agree with it, but i love the power tools too....talk about chop saw envy!), so he has taken over the garage.
now i have some place i can spread out too!!!
john has a thing for power tools (sorry, i've heard all the psychological crap about that...i might agree with it, but i love the power tools too....talk about chop saw envy!), so he has taken over the garage.
now i have some place i can spread out too!!!
knock...knock...who's there?
finally, i'm back in. just to let everyone know...i was lost for a long while because i forgot my password and refused to admit that fact for a number of months. when i did remember, i quickly made an entry praising another indie designer and clicked to published but only got an on-going blinking circle that finally stopped to announced that my entry was lost for some unknown reason and may or may not be sorted out in a few days.
after a few days i checked back...but again i couldn't get into my blog site. i had written down my password so i knew that wasn't the problem...but you know what, I'M BACK!!...i don't care how it was done. there may be something very scientific to explain it or maybe there is a slight visual similarity between the wire sodering pattern on my motherboard to the baby jesus...but i'm not concerned...i'm just so happy I'M BACK!
after a few days i checked back...but again i couldn't get into my blog site. i had written down my password so i knew that wasn't the problem...but you know what, I'M BACK!!...i don't care how it was done. there may be something very scientific to explain it or maybe there is a slight visual similarity between the wire sodering pattern on my motherboard to the baby jesus...but i'm not concerned...i'm just so happy I'M BACK!
1/21/2007
I love Pashupatina
I love Pashupatina Necklaces... the site is gorgious and her designing style has so penetrated my thoughts I started to dream about how i could design my own pieces. I hope I don't cross the line of admiring to stealing...I've actually asked total strangers about this so as not to cross any lines. I am trying assymetrical and organic wire techniques, but hopefully kept my style, which is more traditional.
Thanks to all scarf lovers!
I would like to thank two very special women..."special" because they liked my scarves, and "very special" because they were so helpful in fine-tuning them...to size & shape, and color ranges:
Modela... 323 E. Market Street, Iowa City, IA
Home Body... 119 N. Main St., Suite 101, Blacksburg, VA
Please checkout their shops & support the indie designer.
9/13/2006
NEW computer friendly kimono cuffs !
a wonderful woman (margaret) at a shop called "home body" (selling clothing, jewelry, journals & crafts) told me i was neglecting a very important group of people. those women & men who would like to wear bracelets but are afraid that those "demolition derby" baubles that they see in magazines might cause their laptops to die an early & ugly death...so i now have an ample grouping of kimono cuffs at my site to please those "bauble-fearing" freaks :)checkout margaret's shop if you're in the area: "home body", 119 N. main st., suite 101, blacksburg, VA 24060, (540) 552-8880. she is of the rare breed of non-exploitive shop owners, we should all support.
8/17/2006
My Swap-bot Shrine Project
8/16/2006
My new website "stuff"...
being a california girl i really don't have an affinity towards winter scarves, but i love experimenting with patterns & textures...plus i just wanted to not have to carry a purse if i didn't have to...thus my "pocket scarf" was born.
big enough for cash, credit cards, bus/subway tickets, paper & pen .... but please remember not to load it up with "heavy" items ... don't want anyone to choke :(
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