Remembering...harder than you may think

I love this modern world we live in even though I’m not as high tech as I wish I was. A few days ago I was asked to remember someone in an email. “hi there”…had I gone to “so & so” high school and did I know “so & so” (let’s call him Tim)?

A slight shiver ran through my body…”of course I knew Tim…yes we went to “so & so” high school together”… then I paused and REALLY remembered Tim as my first high school boyfriend, who I treated very badly at the “end”.

I think we all think we were nice people in high school…BUT how can that be!!? We’re all self-absorbed, we thought the world revolved around our schedules, and we expected everyone to be able to read our minds & know exactly what we meant, NOT what we said or did !

The most memorable things I remember about Tim: he was the first boy I ever French kissed, in fact he taught me how to :D …he was handsome & well built …and our makeout sessions under the bleachers during our lunch breaks were well worth the hunger pains later. He’s the only man who has ever played with my ear and neck that made me feel the “earth move”

Though we never made love, I always wondered “what if we had…would our lives have been different?”….then I remember what I was like back then. It took me a long while to grow out of my awkward stage…I didn’t show promise until my junior year. But along with that “change”, came a very immature attitude about the “power” I now possessed…I would flirt and instead of being laughed at, I got flirts back…with this power, do I use it for good or evil?

I tried to be good, but instead I was blind to my growing lack of compassion to other people…Tim being one of them. Tim was a freshman & I was a senior and I knew that we were going to breakup when I went off to college…it didn’t even dawn on me what he could be feeling.

When years later I got his email…I just blurted-out , how bad I had felt over the years of how I treated him even when he offered the sweet innocent love he had. I told him of all the bad things that had happened to me when I left, thinking he might feel better knowing he had “dodged the bullet” with me. But instead he was gracious & kind and said we’ll have to meet some day, just to talk and catch up.

I don’t know if we will ever have that “catch-up talk”, but it reminded me of a conversation my husband & I had before we got married…we asked each other the same question…if we had met when we were younger, would we have married back then? The resounding answer from both of us was NO WAY IN HELL! …we both knew we were too selfish, we wanted to travel, do some “vital work”, meet a lot of people and party while our bodies could take the damage : )

So I guess i will always have to feel a little nostalgic about Tim, will always feel guilty for my cruelty, yet grateful for where we both landed.
p.s. Thank you Tim for all those good memories and play the song below that always reminds me of you.

Lately...have been asked to remember...