More...the magazine

As I write this, I tried to find an old issue of “More” the magazine which I subscribed to for a year, but I couldn’t find one. I thought for sure I would have kept the issue of the one with Michelle Obama on the cover…if only because she’s such an admirable woman….but alas, none was to be found.

I guess it was when I joined AARP in order to get a cheaper price on my diabetic supplies that I noticed that there seemed to be a visual connection of “really old” and “old ,yet ‘hot’..” images bombarding me.

With “AARP” magazine, there was the visual impact of really old people, organizing for health, insurance, saving social security at all costs, and geriatric exercise routines while sitting in chairs in an “senior citizen center” because god knows our bones could snap at any moment.

With “MORE” magazine, the visual impact was genetically blessed women of the age range of 40’s thru 70’s, who looked 20-30 years younger than they were, immaculately dressed & styled, enjoying glamorous power jobs as CEO’s or directors of this & that, or actually prospering from a dream job of their own making. Keeping up their youthful appearance with eating right & exercising in provocative spandex gear on yoga mats or harnessed in a palates machine…or dare I say sitting on a ball finding their frickin’ core.

I don’t know about you, but I was hoping to find a magazine that had all that glam stuff BUT also told the truth about aging and the things that might come up, on a personal level…without shame or judgement.

I was surfing on TV, and caught a portion of a game show on MTV I think…there was a group of young men who had to socialize amongst a room filled with retired people enjoying a game of bingo. At the end of this, the winner was the one whom the audience found to be more personable. There was this one man who had a clipped interviewed stating he thought he won because he made the audience “feel young” by being there and sharing his precious time with them…dare I say, he didn’t win…and dare I say, that this young man would be a total asshole whether he was 20 or even 80…it’s hard to shake the “asshole” gene from your DNA.

If there was a magazine that told the WHOLE truth about aging, I would buy it:

THE GOOD THINGS: some genetically blessed women will always look young & sexy…look at Lauren Hutton, a foxy lady in her 80’s…yes there are high powered women now in their 40’s & 50’s who are enviable…older women know themselves & are finally very comfortable in their own skin…& since they live longer statistically, they may choose to reach for more dreams & 2nd or 3rd careers and be admired all the way.

THE BAD THINGS: we are not all Lauren Hutton…majority of us start getting fat in places we never were before… our mothers never told us, but our female parts (tits & vagina) will sag & our sex drive may become non-existent…that wonderful gluteus maximus you’ve worked so hard at the gym to keep up, may stay up, but it will definitely turn “squarish & flat”…your body will betray you by growing things you didn’t have at birth, like heavy facial hair, mutant eyebrow hair & general “growths” that are usually benign, but at times are serious …you will meet with family, friends & medical experts that have their own agenda & concerns, but they all seem to be in their 20’s ..saying “there, there..you’re just getting older…don’t worry, it’s natural”.

This imagined magazine I would like to buy, would then tell me not to take their conclusions at face value. For example, about a year ago, I noticed I couldn’t walk at times. I actually had to use a cane or wheelchair to get around. I didn’t think it was normal considering, it wasn’t all the time, only 2-3 times a week. When I went to the doctor he gave me pills for the pain & said I was just getting older.

Later that month, I went to an eye appointment (another doctor) in my wheelchair…a nurse asked if I had “gout”, since the last time she saw me I was walking perfectly. I returned to my primary doctor, who didn’t want to test me for gout, but I insisted. The test was positive and all I had to do was change my diet a bit & take some oral medication and that year of pain was gone.

So back in the “good things” column…when you’re older, you realize that some doctors are assholes…and as I said before, it’s hard to shake “asshole” out of your DNA.